its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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