im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
