in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
So apparently I’m into choking now
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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