Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
