We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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