Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
