I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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