She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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