did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
