Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
