dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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