Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
