a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just found a bag of teeth...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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