i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
