Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
handjob tips. give me some.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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