You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
