threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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