I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
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New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize