Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
