OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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