i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
