i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
