Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
