Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
