I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
