I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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