my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
