I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
