Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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