did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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