I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
