I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
look no pants
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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