at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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