so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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