you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
