it wasn't lemon gatorade
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
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He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
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I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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