White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
