You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
