apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
