I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
