how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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