I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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