she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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