I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
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