She went from zero to smokin in five shots
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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