I hate your face
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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