My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
