Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
