What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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