and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
this is an emotional support booty call
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
