I puked a lego.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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