This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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