yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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