when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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