I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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