I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He better not be in your backpack
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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