OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
