ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
