First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
