ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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