Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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