its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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