Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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