I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
